Life Hacks for the working mum #2 Comparison
Comparison – is a Biaatch! Can I say that? Whoops, I already did.
Your hubby has 10/10 marks for giving you a beautiful lie in on Saturday morning while he (aka Cbeebies) entertains the kids UNTIL … you scroll past Susie’s post of her all-expenses-paid gift to Rome for the weekend, courtesy of her simply adorable husband – now your lie in doesn’t feel so earth shattering and special anymore!
Your simple breakfast shared with those little people you are raising was all rather delightful until you came across Sarah’s Facebook with her perfectly smashed avocado and eggs on deliciously toasted sourdough in the super posh bistro across town… now your crunchy nut with the kids feels a bit bland and boring to say the least!
Your new job promotion was such a moment of pride and a deep sense of achievement until you sit down that evening and cast a glance at your phone – to see Sally’s insta post of her shiny new company car delivered to her drive way, and all of a sudden, your promotion to supervisor over a small team of 3 doesn’t feel so grandeous!
You’re pretty proud of the kids you are raising, they have great manners, get good reports from school and seem like real all rounders until you see The Jone’s social media brags of little Bradley’s latest epic sports achievements and Tanya’s finalist success in music and performance. Before long you begin wondering why your kids haven’t stuck out their clubs and achieved better standards, why haven’t they performed and been noticed – now you’re not only comparing you, but those you love also!
Brene Brown says Comparison is the thief of joy and I have certainly found that to be true in my life. Whenever I stand my life up against someone else’s in comparison I am always left with less. Less joy, less contentment, less fulfilment.
Here’s the truth – there will always be someone with a bigger house, a slimmer waist, a fatter income, a more successful career. If we can settle that we do ourselves a massive favour. Instead of focusing on what others have and what we don’t – we can intentionally focus on what we have and begin to let gratitude wash over us. Brene Brown also says – Gratitude is the antidote to comparison. We cannot feel both at the same time and which ever one we feed, screams the loudest and grows the strongest!
There are some days I feel a little more vulnerable to comparison than others – those days I try to steer clear of social media, or I pull out my journal and spend a few minutes writing what I am thankful for. Other days I take myself on a gratitude walk – holding in my mind a person, people or things in my life I am thankful for and I let the thoughts, memories and gratitude wash over me as I walk.
As women, sometimes we compare ourselves to those further on down the line than us, maybe she is succeeding in the career you are dreaming about, maybe she has reached the weight goals you still have some way to attain, maybe she is driving the car you are working hard towards – at times we can compare and then easily move into envy. This has certainly been a struggle for me, especially with successful career women ahead of the game to me!
I have noticed when I catch myself in this head space – with intention (and practise) I can learn to celebrate that which I admire – knowing that woman has walked a journey and fought her own private battles to get to where she is. Every time I have moved myself from envy to celebrating I have found I move from comparison to admiration, and have often found myself feeling inspired as opposed to feeling less than.
So, if like me (and most other women on the planet) you have found yourself befriending comparison, why not begin distancing yourself from that toxic relationship. It won’t change overnight and it may not even feel comfortable or genuine at first – but over time, the less headspace you give comparison, the quieter her voice becomes.
YOU are enough … YOU are writing YOUR own story, no one else’s! Be the best version of you – for everyone else is already taken.